It had to be said

I just read some other blog and to be honest I’m not 100% sure what the guy was getting at and he may or may not have been saying what I’m about to be totally disagreeing with. Mostly it just reminded me of an argument I got into in class one time where a guy straight up said that men were meant to bring home the bacon and it’s the woman’s job to take care of the kids. The worst part was when all the women agreed with him, and of course it comes as no surprise that the guys did as well. There are just so many things wrong with that statement, though.

First off, if you’re in a relationship where the man works and the woman stays at home to take care of the kids or just to be a non stop cleaning service, and you’re all happy with that and it works then that’s fine. I’m not saying that such things are terrible. Currently I’m in the same situation. I got out of the military and decided to get a degree so it’ll be a long time before I probably do find work again. My husband goes off to work and to be honest I spend most of my days with a laptop in front of me and the TV constantly on. So there you go.

But my problem with such blanket statements is it paints us little boxes that we have to stay within, and if you don’t then you’re not a real man or you’re a woman who doesn’t know her place. Having worked in the mans world I got to hear every kind of joke about such. For example:

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing you already told her twice. OR Why are women’s feet so small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

And that’s the little boxes we want to stay in? Now maybe I have such strong views on the subject because of the family I was raised in. When my parents first got married they were the generic perfect family. My dad went to a good job and my mom stayed home to take care of the 3 munchkins running around. Everybody just as they should be. But then my dad got sick, and his health went downhill after having kidney failure. This man I’m talking about loved his job. He worked in retail store and actually still has dreams about doing inventory, they’re his happy dreams. The man that never took a vacation and was happiest at work, was suddenly disabled and had to stay home. Did he gripe and complain or think his manhood was being questioned? No. Did my mom, who probably thought she would never have to work, say forget this and leave him? No. Instead she took up doing the one thing she’d basically been trained her whole life to do. Making drapes… actually it was more like being an interior designer, she can sew anything and everything. And she worked herself to the bone to earn the money we all needed to get by.

So where did that leave my dad? Well, he took care of us kids and he learned how to cook, and believe me he’s amazing at it now. He was the one doing what so many would call the woman’s role. And it never once made anyone question his manliness, all it did for me was make me proud of how much my parents were willing to do whatever it took to take care of us and each other. They didn’t care about roles, they cared about family. It wasn’t “this is my duty” it’s “what can I do to help”. That is what the world needs more of. Not little boxes to sort people into, but wide open spaces for people to fill the void and make good homes for their loved ones. I love my parents more than anything, and they always inspired in me the will to keep going no matter what life throws at you. I don’t need a role because I have love, and that’s all I really need from this world.

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5 thoughts on “It had to be said

  1. We could have carried this on back there:)

    No, it was not about the little boxes at all. It seems that you had a healthy upbringing, and I admire your dad and mum for PROTECTING the family unit regadless of circumstances, doing what they had to do….
    Now imagine that… I come from a single parent family, and am a single parent myself now. My father wouldn’t say ‘hello’ to me in the street, I dfidn’t exist. Did it hurt? No, but it completely robbed me from understanding what men are all about. They are PROTECTORS first and foremost. And look around… even in those families which did not split… how many men in this world actually UNDERSTAND this role? Instead of trying to joint ‘clubs’ of gangs, work achievement, sport, chasing women for sex, showing off their new ‘toys’ of various monetary value etc. etc…. how many men out there are actually – MEN? With strong presence and a sense of real values?

    And that’s what the piece was about, not about the gender roles division, but how men forgot about their PRIMARY role in this life, and there is nothing in our cultures anymore to teach them.

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    • The reason I wrote my own blog was like I said I wasn’t sure I was following what he was getting at. You and him both seemed to be going off in different directions and so I just wanted to share what I thought of how men and women should be. The thing is though, I don’t believe that’s what he was talking about. When he said that basically families have 2 moms it’s just one has a penis, doesn’t say that men aren’t doing their job, it’s saying he thinks men aren’t given the power they deserve. The fact is through out history there have been good men that understand their role, and then the rest of the men who think they can just do whatever. I don’t think times have changed that much, the problem is now it’s much more excepted and women don’t seem to mind being single mothers. In fact there are women that go and get impregnated and never plan to have a man around. I think that’s the problem. When no one expects anything from you, you tend not to give anything back. If we uphold our own values and don’t just settle for what we can get then I think people will start to live up to better standards. I believe that men and women were meant to bring out the best in each other, but it takes work and effort and our society has just gotten lazy, but there are still good men out there. I guess I really am lucky to have been raised in a family full of good strong men, and to have found one for myself, but for the rest of the men out there, i honestly think they need a woman with the will power to straighten them out.

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  2. “if we uphold our own values and don’t just settle for what we can get then i think people will start to live up to better standards…”

    There… you have just answered that yourself. This is what the piece was about, and no one teaches boys that now.
    I’d like to write more, but would you mind posting this on his blog? I am asking because although we both have our own blogs, I’d like to see some serious discussion going on there, with much wider audience, so that people can start questioning themselves, away from the ‘norms’ they know and live by. The Truth, remember?

    We can then talk some more there. It is just a request, I am new to that blogging business, but would like to contribute something to awareness growth. I believe you can too, you have a very good grasp of values.
    Thank you.

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    • P.S. It does not matter one bit that people go off in what seems to be different directions in their posts, this aids our understanding better, for we learn from each other.

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